Social Difficulties

Every child needs contact with other children. I think its doubly important for gifted or bright children but it needs to be handled with sensitivity and patience. Many many gifted children have social connection difficulties and Sophia has been no exception. I have noticed (with a little sad lilt in my heart) that even as 2 & 3 yr olds, the other kids seemed to pick up that she was a bit different and the 'bullies-in-bud' went straight for her. 

So Sophia and I did playgroups and playdates (of same age kids) where its social for kids and parents. A little later on we did playcentres, where the parents get to stay. She's now four and a half, she's going to a childcare centre with extra staff that take the time to understand her and meet her needs.  We started her on half days twice a week and now its 3 half days a week. She does that on her own, which most days she's happy to do. There is the odd child, she has trouble with....and many mornings she will focus on that child and say she doesn't want to go because of them. We acknowledge that she has difficulty with that child and why - then we point out all the things she likes to do while she's at the centre and that it would be a shame to miss out. I think it took about 2 weeks (going 2x a week then) to get her out of the habit of getting very upset because 'so-and-so' was there. I would go in with her, with a view to having to stay for the next 40 minutes, till she settled. If you make sure that time is there - its not a problem. Take heart....over time - that gets shorter.

Sophia has a key person who takes over from me when we arrive and I get them to tell her to 'say bye bye'. It's like a clockwork charm now....almost instantly comfortable with me going. I always tell her I'll back after she's had her lunch so she knows exactly when to expect me again. If she can't seem to settle and is still distressed at me leaving, we use a distracting focus for her which is almost always the computer or a puzzle of some kind. These little rituals (not too rigid) have helped immeasurably with this issue.

Now school is looming and I can imagine that some people are saying - what are you going to do then. Well here's the thing - although people generally start their kids at school in NZ at 5, legally - you don't actually have to until they're 6. In fact, just about everywhere else in the western world - they don't start till their 6 because that's when they're emotionally ready. Quite frankly, we know Sophia needs the academic stimulation but we don't believe that she will be emotionally ready so we plan to encourage her to go everyday and for the days she can't cope - we will take her school work home. We plan to talk to the school about it of course but in reality - they will have to work with us on this until she's 6. There's is flexibility and room to move on this issue so why not use it.