Much to my amazement....I discovered that a group called Cognition New Zealand was running Symposiums throughout the country for people involved with gifted children and one was being held in Wanganui. So naturally I toddled along - completely freaked lol. I don't do well in crowds - I get so nervous that I talk at a hundred miles an hour. Anyway it was very enlightening and I had the chance to talk to a clinical psychologist who not only specialised in gifted children but was a parent as well.
Talking to her was truly comforting. You talk to so many people while you're looking for a bit of help and guidance, in the early years, and you get so many....'you have got to be crazy!' looks...that you start to doubt what you saw! She also touched briefly on the Aspergers question and it seemed to me that she also thinks that its more likely that some of the behaviours observed common in the gifted (such as being 'over-sensitive') are not any kind of syndrome - it's just the flip-side of their gift. Certainly there have been some interesting studies that suggest an actual physical difference in the way the gifted brain is wired. Along similar lines is an idea that talks about it being related to the flight or fight mechanism. It makes sense to me.....a brain that is wired for flight will naturally be more sensitive - able to utilise human sensing abilities to a higher degree and to act on that information in time. Could it be that the higher the gift - the higher the sensitivities?
What also struck me was the number of times we'd managed to come up (by accident) with different ways to deal with certain characteristics - like the perfectionism. One parent expressed concern on this issue and how it could become psychologically dangerous. The question was....how on earth can you help them with this? My husband has always played word games with Sophia....turning common words into nonsense words and deliberatly mis-pronouncing things. She still gets pretty crazy about pronunciation but she is relatively flexible now because we made it a game.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
And next....?
Little girl is sitting in the car the other day and announces out of the blue,
"Konichiwa means hello!"
I said, "You're right it does - well done sweetie, do you know what language it is from?"
"That is from Japan"
"Ahhh!" I said, "Right again....can you tell me what hello is in Chinese?"
Pause.....pause......."Nee How"
She bowls me over most days - the only time I remember talking about different greetings was a couple of months ago. We also went over a little Spanish and a couple of other languages - most of which she got right - some she didn't know. The other day I woke up to her jumping up on the bed yelling, "Arriba up!" and then jumping down and saying, "Abajo, down". Thank you Dora!
So.........I'm thinking she likes language in general. Hmmmm :)
"Konichiwa means hello!"
I said, "You're right it does - well done sweetie, do you know what language it is from?"
"That is from Japan"
"Ahhh!" I said, "Right again....can you tell me what hello is in Chinese?"
Pause.....pause......."Nee How"
She bowls me over most days - the only time I remember talking about different greetings was a couple of months ago. We also went over a little Spanish and a couple of other languages - most of which she got right - some she didn't know. The other day I woke up to her jumping up on the bed yelling, "Arriba up!" and then jumping down and saying, "Abajo, down". Thank you Dora!
So.........I'm thinking she likes language in general. Hmmmm :)
It's speeding up.....
Sophia is ready for school in her mind......no doubt about it. Her behaviour patterns and her language is changing and she's getting extremely active throughout the day. I'd swear she's craving the company of other children too. Her play seems to have gotten more complex.....we're into hosts of imaginary friends at the moment. I'm told there's someone at the door on a regular basis and when we go to open the door, there can be anywhere between 1 and 6 'friends' coming to visit. Most are from movies or programs she has seen. Often they are coming to 'tea' or a picnic and we've then got to go about finding them all chairs and getting them food and drink! She also likes to play 'school' where I have to give her schoolwork and call 'recess' from time to time. Her paintings are still quite simple most of the time but the subjects are interesting - I have no idea what a Miafologis is for example! Yesterday she did one she called, 'Human Body Selections' and made me label what everything was haha!
The really good thing is that she seems to be getting the hang of conflict resolution. She had an incident where a boy pushed her over at preschool last week. She started to meltdown a bit when her favourite teacher asked her what was wrong and could she help. Much to our surprise, she snapped out of it and told the teacher who then asked her, "What would you like to happen?"
Well, up go her fists onto her hips and her right toe starts tapping furiously (something we've seen her do only once or twice) and she announced very clearly - "I would like an apology!" This wonderful teacher went to the transgressor and asked him to tell Sophia he was sorry - which he did thankfully - and Sophia just lit up and all was forgiven, just like that. It made her day. Now in the last two months, she's been bitten, kicked, punched and pushed and finally when she was given the chance to communicate what she wanted - she took it and was clear about it and it was resolved. I never thought I'd see it. Just Magic!
The really good thing is that she seems to be getting the hang of conflict resolution. She had an incident where a boy pushed her over at preschool last week. She started to meltdown a bit when her favourite teacher asked her what was wrong and could she help. Much to our surprise, she snapped out of it and told the teacher who then asked her, "What would you like to happen?"
Well, up go her fists onto her hips and her right toe starts tapping furiously (something we've seen her do only once or twice) and she announced very clearly - "I would like an apology!" This wonderful teacher went to the transgressor and asked him to tell Sophia he was sorry - which he did thankfully - and Sophia just lit up and all was forgiven, just like that. It made her day. Now in the last two months, she's been bitten, kicked, punched and pushed and finally when she was given the chance to communicate what she wanted - she took it and was clear about it and it was resolved. I never thought I'd see it. Just Magic!
A different kind of teacher to spot and avoid!
Came across another type of primary school teacher this week. And I think I may have gotten a glimpse at why some gifted children 'dumb themselves down' and by 8, they are developing academically along with their peers.
This teacher suggested that the way she likes to 'handle' gifted children is to encourage them to help the teacher out with their slower classmates, particularly with reading and maths. Now initially this sounds like a good idea - to keep the gifted child busy in the classroom after they've finished their work early. BUT....make no mistake folks - I definitely don't approve.
You see.........while the child is acting as a free teachers aid/assistant - they are not developing any further than their peers at all. They are forced to learn at the same pace. And the justification for it? "We have 30 children in a class - there just isn't time to deal with the needs of one child."
Honestly? I'm appalled. It makes me madder still to know that this particular teacher works in remedial reading. She's got all the patience and time in the world if a child can't read at all. The truth is....that teacher never has to research extra material or locate extra resources or deal with any paperwork to accelerate a gifted child.
Grrrrrr!!! If a teacher isn't prepared to help the gifted child in their class, they should at least be handing their care onto someone who is - not crippling them just because they can't be bothered.
This teacher suggested that the way she likes to 'handle' gifted children is to encourage them to help the teacher out with their slower classmates, particularly with reading and maths. Now initially this sounds like a good idea - to keep the gifted child busy in the classroom after they've finished their work early. BUT....make no mistake folks - I definitely don't approve.
You see.........while the child is acting as a free teachers aid/assistant - they are not developing any further than their peers at all. They are forced to learn at the same pace. And the justification for it? "We have 30 children in a class - there just isn't time to deal with the needs of one child."
Honestly? I'm appalled. It makes me madder still to know that this particular teacher works in remedial reading. She's got all the patience and time in the world if a child can't read at all. The truth is....that teacher never has to research extra material or locate extra resources or deal with any paperwork to accelerate a gifted child.
Grrrrrr!!! If a teacher isn't prepared to help the gifted child in their class, they should at least be handing their care onto someone who is - not crippling them just because they can't be bothered.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Further notes on education
Had a really 'interesting' moment at Sophia's pre-school yesterday which gave me a little insight on educator attitudes. One of the teachers had taken the kids across to the park to have a bit of fun with a home-made rocket. I'm not entirely sure what they were doing - it can't have been too advanced or crazy because the kids are only four but they were asked to draw about their experience afterwards. Sophia starts to do the scribbly thing she often likes to do...just toddler kind of stuff really. The teacher says to her, 'no, no sweetie -- why don't you draw the rocket.' So Sophia then does the other type of drawing she likes (it's almost split-personality-ish) which is fairly accurate kind of stuff. She draws the rocket with the windows and the sun and the teacher with all her fingers and toes etc.....and the teacher just couldn't believe what she was seeing.
But this is what a parent of a gifted child means when they say, 'they just need a little encouragement.' That little bit of encouragement just to think a little differently can achieve vastly different results. I suspect this is the difference that occurs when they get to school. Teachers that leave the gifted to just do what they do because (being very bright) these kids don't need assistance.....are cheating that child of their potential.
When Sophia was three we decided it was time for her to go to kindergarten for social purposes and because it was a learning environment that might help to keep her little mind stimulated. When we observed one of the teachers telling her off for smudging letters on the board when she was trying to read them, we called a meeting with the teachers and we told them of her abilities. We said that she 'just needs a little encouragement'. I think they heard....'I want you to help me get my kid into university when they're 8'. They were instantly intimidated and kept saying....'children need to play at that age'. We took her out of there because of the number of times we observed Sophia being left to her own devices. They weren't even bothering to encourage her to socialise with the other kids in the end.
Attitude changes when it's a gifted child involved in discussion between educators and parents. The reaction from the educator is either keen curiosity or fear. When a child does things outside the expected outcomes for their age group, the accusation that we are cheating our kids of their childhood by pushing them to learn things they don't need to know yet is often soon to follow. That comes from the idea that 'this is a child that doesn't fit 'the box' and I've got to fix it! These parents must be shown the error of their terrible ways!'
Here's a pearl of insight for that type of educator......gifted kids don't need 'pushing'. They initiate the subject they're interested in themselves. And with a little encouragement, they can fly where ever they want to go.
Children need to play at every age, at any level of development. Where is it written that learning can't be play? Play is learning - is it any different if you're playing with words or playdough? Or both! Why is it that if a child is three or four....any 'learning' isn't perceived as play? When a child initiates learning about a subject, why discourage them because of their age? Aside from having to restrict age appropriate material, why discourage a passion for learning?.
Some would say let the teachers find out for themselves and then they'll change their attitude. I don't believe that attitude ever changes. What happens instead is that teacher ends up with too much time to damage the passion a child can have for learning before you, as a parent, can find out.
Attitude is everything in my book and doubly important for a gifted child from the very start. I'm still saying...cut to the chase...use the words we're all uncomfortable with and ask your child's teacher straight out - 'what's your attitude to gifted children'. You'll know inside of 30 seconds whether or not they are going to have a chance at meeting your child's educational needs. And when you say, 'they just need a little encouragement', make sure that's exactly what the teacher understands.
But this is what a parent of a gifted child means when they say, 'they just need a little encouragement.' That little bit of encouragement just to think a little differently can achieve vastly different results. I suspect this is the difference that occurs when they get to school. Teachers that leave the gifted to just do what they do because (being very bright) these kids don't need assistance.....are cheating that child of their potential.
When Sophia was three we decided it was time for her to go to kindergarten for social purposes and because it was a learning environment that might help to keep her little mind stimulated. When we observed one of the teachers telling her off for smudging letters on the board when she was trying to read them, we called a meeting with the teachers and we told them of her abilities. We said that she 'just needs a little encouragement'. I think they heard....'I want you to help me get my kid into university when they're 8'. They were instantly intimidated and kept saying....'children need to play at that age'. We took her out of there because of the number of times we observed Sophia being left to her own devices. They weren't even bothering to encourage her to socialise with the other kids in the end.
Attitude changes when it's a gifted child involved in discussion between educators and parents. The reaction from the educator is either keen curiosity or fear. When a child does things outside the expected outcomes for their age group, the accusation that we are cheating our kids of their childhood by pushing them to learn things they don't need to know yet is often soon to follow. That comes from the idea that 'this is a child that doesn't fit 'the box' and I've got to fix it! These parents must be shown the error of their terrible ways!'
Here's a pearl of insight for that type of educator......gifted kids don't need 'pushing'. They initiate the subject they're interested in themselves. And with a little encouragement, they can fly where ever they want to go.
Children need to play at every age, at any level of development. Where is it written that learning can't be play? Play is learning - is it any different if you're playing with words or playdough? Or both! Why is it that if a child is three or four....any 'learning' isn't perceived as play? When a child initiates learning about a subject, why discourage them because of their age? Aside from having to restrict age appropriate material, why discourage a passion for learning?.
Some would say let the teachers find out for themselves and then they'll change their attitude. I don't believe that attitude ever changes. What happens instead is that teacher ends up with too much time to damage the passion a child can have for learning before you, as a parent, can find out.
Attitude is everything in my book and doubly important for a gifted child from the very start. I'm still saying...cut to the chase...use the words we're all uncomfortable with and ask your child's teacher straight out - 'what's your attitude to gifted children'. You'll know inside of 30 seconds whether or not they are going to have a chance at meeting your child's educational needs. And when you say, 'they just need a little encouragement', make sure that's exactly what the teacher understands.
Oh Dinosaur!
Here's a little gem to put a smile on your dial! Sophia (4yrs) and I were sitting in bed this morning, talking about dinosaurs. She tells me she is a Tyrannosaurus Rex and I am a Stegasaurus. Good good...she often talks about these things....loves the whole herbivore, carnivore and omnivore thing as well.....
Well...you just never know what these kids are absorbing :) We get up and we're walking through the kitchen when she informs me that I'm a quadriped and she is a biped!
So curious to know how much she's discovered because this information wasn't in our earlier discussion, I enquire, "Whats a quadraped then?"
"It walks on four legs and is quite slow," she says.
"So what's a biped then?"
"It uses two legs and is very very fast!"
Ahahahah! Delightful!
Well...you just never know what these kids are absorbing :) We get up and we're walking through the kitchen when she informs me that I'm a quadriped and she is a biped!
So curious to know how much she's discovered because this information wasn't in our earlier discussion, I enquire, "Whats a quadraped then?"
"It walks on four legs and is quite slow," she says.
"So what's a biped then?"
"It uses two legs and is very very fast!"
Ahahahah! Delightful!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Dramatic Play
No problems there....she's right into at the moment....and where she gets the stuff - I'm not entirely sure. Yesterday we both had to be Masterchefs (her words) and in the afternoon, she was a tattoo artist-teake (and that one has got me mystified). And this is every day at the moment. She's also very keen to imitate the movement of programs and movies - even when they are not inactive. It's pretty funny to watch her dancing away with Silvermist and then falling into 'the pond' at the end. Everything copied to the letter.
She'll also put on shows and spend some time working out a costume and setting up the books in the lounge to make a 'stage' with 'lights'. If I could just get her to pretend to be a stagehand and put it all away afterwards, we'll be sweet!
She'll also put on shows and spend some time working out a costume and setting up the books in the lounge to make a 'stage' with 'lights'. If I could just get her to pretend to be a stagehand and put it all away afterwards, we'll be sweet!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Sleep freaking!
Thanks to a lovely lady, I've just remember something else that used to happen during Sophia's sleep when she was smaller. If Sophia was nervous or worrying about anything, she would naturally have bad dreams like any other child but there was no way you could go in and comfort her easily. If you attempted to soothe or cuddle her, you would end up really freaking her out in her sleep. The reaction was very similar to the distressed meltdowns she would have when she was awake and sometimes you weren't entirely sure she wasn't still asleep.
We approached it the same way we would her waking meltdowns (if you don't know that story, see http://ourrainbowrose.blogspot.com/2011/05/down-side.html). I'd put on some nice music and say in a soft, slow, low tone of voice, 'Its ok Sophia, shhhhh.....go back to sleep'. You say the same thing, the same way, every time. It took about a week but she started to respond because it became like a key calming-down phrase for her. It turns out that children in that state can hear and respond to a calm, low voice of someone they know, no matter how loud the screaming! You'll be pleased to know that Sophia doesn't freakout in her sleep anymore. In fact, an odd point of proof that she was hearing me in those difficult moments.....whenever I'm freaking out - she uses the very same phrase on me!!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sleep....? A strange and unusual creature?
Sleep....hmmm. Not since I was 5 months pregnant with Sophia. I can't remember the last time I slept solidly through the night. I think I've just gotten used to it now. On the rare occasion that Sophia sleeps through the whole night, I wake up with fright and I have to go and check her!
Even from newborn, Sophia didn't sleep like other babies seemed to. Naturally, routine has had it benefits but only as she got a bit older. When she was a wee baby, there was only one way to get her to sleep and that was to let her go to sleep on the boob. That's it. The number of people that said not to do that...well....getting up to a baby every 20 minutes....you get to the point that if you can find something that works - you'll use it and I was never going to make the supermum ranks anyway. We would have some nights where she would finally go to sleep just after 10pm. If she was asleep at 7 or 8, she'd be awake at 11pm and not settled again till just past 1am. And we had a better chance of getting her to sleep and staying asleep if she was asleep in my arms. Even though I was in the habit of getting things done around her while she slept during the day (even vacuuming), she could wake at the drop of a hat during the night. That has only changed since she was about 3 and a half. Even so, she will still wake in the night and crawl into our bed anywhere between 3 and 5am.
When she stopped asking for milk at bedtime, around 18 months (she pretty much stopped with all naps after then too), we gave her a bedtime supper instead and incorporated stories. She has alway loved books so its been easy to set up a routine involving stories. Every now and then we have to adjust the routine because it simply stops working.
At the moment she goes to bed at 7pm and is up and down like an energizer bunny till around 8.30. These days we're able to blackmail her into only getting up if she really needs something - she gets and extra story the next night if she stays in bed. Now and then, when she's having a wee growth spurt...she's up at around 4am - wide awake and ready to go with a hungry body and a hungry mind.
'Send her back to bed!' I hear you cry? Yeeeeees.....try that - go back to sleep and in about 10 mins you'll hear, 'Mamma, Mamma - I've got bacteria in my body!'. So you mumble something like, 'yes honey but you need it - some bacteria is good bacteria, go back to sleep'. And just as you sink deeply into sleep again you'll hear (in about 10 mins), ''Mamma, Mamma - I've got broken bones and scabs!' (which of course she doesn't) and this will go on until you lose your marbles and raise your voice, 'Enough! Go back to bed!'. And then after much sniffling, you will hear something like, 'But Mamma, what about my broken bones?' and, 'Mamma, I neeeed you!' and lately its....'But Mamma, I'm starving hungry!' By now...you are fully awake and thoroughly annoyed at 5 in the morning.
So....these days I just get up. I get her something to eat and drink. I put the educational TV program on that she's got firmly fixed in her mind which can be anything from DirtGirl or Magic School Bus to a doco on the human body, or the pyramids (she only gets rubbish if she's sick lol). I make sure she's got what she needs and then I tuck myself up on the other sofa and go back to sleep. This way - we both get what we want.
Even from newborn, Sophia didn't sleep like other babies seemed to. Naturally, routine has had it benefits but only as she got a bit older. When she was a wee baby, there was only one way to get her to sleep and that was to let her go to sleep on the boob. That's it. The number of people that said not to do that...well....getting up to a baby every 20 minutes....you get to the point that if you can find something that works - you'll use it and I was never going to make the supermum ranks anyway. We would have some nights where she would finally go to sleep just after 10pm. If she was asleep at 7 or 8, she'd be awake at 11pm and not settled again till just past 1am. And we had a better chance of getting her to sleep and staying asleep if she was asleep in my arms. Even though I was in the habit of getting things done around her while she slept during the day (even vacuuming), she could wake at the drop of a hat during the night. That has only changed since she was about 3 and a half. Even so, she will still wake in the night and crawl into our bed anywhere between 3 and 5am.
When she stopped asking for milk at bedtime, around 18 months (she pretty much stopped with all naps after then too), we gave her a bedtime supper instead and incorporated stories. She has alway loved books so its been easy to set up a routine involving stories. Every now and then we have to adjust the routine because it simply stops working.
At the moment she goes to bed at 7pm and is up and down like an energizer bunny till around 8.30. These days we're able to blackmail her into only getting up if she really needs something - she gets and extra story the next night if she stays in bed. Now and then, when she's having a wee growth spurt...she's up at around 4am - wide awake and ready to go with a hungry body and a hungry mind.
'Send her back to bed!' I hear you cry? Yeeeeees.....try that - go back to sleep and in about 10 mins you'll hear, 'Mamma, Mamma - I've got bacteria in my body!'. So you mumble something like, 'yes honey but you need it - some bacteria is good bacteria, go back to sleep'. And just as you sink deeply into sleep again you'll hear (in about 10 mins), ''Mamma, Mamma - I've got broken bones and scabs!' (which of course she doesn't) and this will go on until you lose your marbles and raise your voice, 'Enough! Go back to bed!'. And then after much sniffling, you will hear something like, 'But Mamma, what about my broken bones?' and, 'Mamma, I neeeed you!' and lately its....'But Mamma, I'm starving hungry!' By now...you are fully awake and thoroughly annoyed at 5 in the morning.
So....these days I just get up. I get her something to eat and drink. I put the educational TV program on that she's got firmly fixed in her mind which can be anything from DirtGirl or Magic School Bus to a doco on the human body, or the pyramids (she only gets rubbish if she's sick lol). I make sure she's got what she needs and then I tuck myself up on the other sofa and go back to sleep. This way - we both get what we want.
Social Difficulties
Every child needs contact with other children. I think its doubly important for gifted or bright children but it needs to be handled with sensitivity and patience. Many many gifted children have social connection difficulties and Sophia has been no exception. I have noticed (with a little sad lilt in my heart) that even as 2 & 3 yr olds, the other kids seemed to pick up that she was a bit different and the 'bullies-in-bud' went straight for her.
So Sophia and I did playgroups and playdates (of same age kids) where its social for kids and parents. A little later on we did playcentres, where the parents get to stay. She's now four and a half, she's going to a childcare centre with extra staff that take the time to understand her and meet her needs. We started her on half days twice a week and now its 3 half days a week. She does that on her own, which most days she's happy to do. There is the odd child, she has trouble with....and many mornings she will focus on that child and say she doesn't want to go because of them. We acknowledge that she has difficulty with that child and why - then we point out all the things she likes to do while she's at the centre and that it would be a shame to miss out. I think it took about 2 weeks (going 2x a week then) to get her out of the habit of getting very upset because 'so-and-so' was there. I would go in with her, with a view to having to stay for the next 40 minutes, till she settled. If you make sure that time is there - its not a problem. Take heart....over time - that gets shorter.
Sophia has a key person who takes over from me when we arrive and I get them to tell her to 'say bye bye'. It's like a clockwork charm now....almost instantly comfortable with me going. I always tell her I'll back after she's had her lunch so she knows exactly when to expect me again. If she can't seem to settle and is still distressed at me leaving, we use a distracting focus for her which is almost always the computer or a puzzle of some kind. These little rituals (not too rigid) have helped immeasurably with this issue.
Now school is looming and I can imagine that some people are saying - what are you going to do then. Well here's the thing - although people generally start their kids at school in NZ at 5, legally - you don't actually have to until they're 6. In fact, just about everywhere else in the western world - they don't start till their 6 because that's when they're emotionally ready. Quite frankly, we know Sophia needs the academic stimulation but we don't believe that she will be emotionally ready so we plan to encourage her to go everyday and for the days she can't cope - we will take her school work home. We plan to talk to the school about it of course but in reality - they will have to work with us on this until she's 6. There's is flexibility and room to move on this issue so why not use it.
So Sophia and I did playgroups and playdates (of same age kids) where its social for kids and parents. A little later on we did playcentres, where the parents get to stay. She's now four and a half, she's going to a childcare centre with extra staff that take the time to understand her and meet her needs. We started her on half days twice a week and now its 3 half days a week. She does that on her own, which most days she's happy to do. There is the odd child, she has trouble with....and many mornings she will focus on that child and say she doesn't want to go because of them. We acknowledge that she has difficulty with that child and why - then we point out all the things she likes to do while she's at the centre and that it would be a shame to miss out. I think it took about 2 weeks (going 2x a week then) to get her out of the habit of getting very upset because 'so-and-so' was there. I would go in with her, with a view to having to stay for the next 40 minutes, till she settled. If you make sure that time is there - its not a problem. Take heart....over time - that gets shorter.
Sophia has a key person who takes over from me when we arrive and I get them to tell her to 'say bye bye'. It's like a clockwork charm now....almost instantly comfortable with me going. I always tell her I'll back after she's had her lunch so she knows exactly when to expect me again. If she can't seem to settle and is still distressed at me leaving, we use a distracting focus for her which is almost always the computer or a puzzle of some kind. These little rituals (not too rigid) have helped immeasurably with this issue.
Now school is looming and I can imagine that some people are saying - what are you going to do then. Well here's the thing - although people generally start their kids at school in NZ at 5, legally - you don't actually have to until they're 6. In fact, just about everywhere else in the western world - they don't start till their 6 because that's when they're emotionally ready. Quite frankly, we know Sophia needs the academic stimulation but we don't believe that she will be emotionally ready so we plan to encourage her to go everyday and for the days she can't cope - we will take her school work home. We plan to talk to the school about it of course but in reality - they will have to work with us on this until she's 6. There's is flexibility and room to move on this issue so why not use it.
Tough Love....?
Good Luck with that!! Doesn't work with the gifted sensitive child. What it does do is leave them with nightmares for weeks. If you get a kick out of emotional meltdowns every time a situation reminds your child of the 'tough-love' episode and getting up every 20 minutes to help your child while she weeps & wails in her sleep....go for it!
I wouldn't recommend it. The sleep techniques where you wait for 4 minutes, go in - calm her down - go out - wait again - go in - calm her down - go out - wait again.......yea - what a crock! Doesn't work. It goes on and on and on and when she finally drops off to sleep - it's because she's exhausted. Night after night. It can take two weeks some say....way to go to really traumatise your child - let it sit in her mind that you won't be there for her when she needs you. I'll debate till the cows come home that that approach has any healthy effect with a sensitive child.
When it comes to being out of the home, in the care of another - I will also debate the so called 'necessity' of a toddler learning to be independent of their parents - especially when that toddler is the sensitive type. In the child's mind, when you walk away and leave them somewhere they don't feel comfortable with, they think you have abandoned them. It doesn't matter whether or not it's true - that's how they remember it and if they process that perception into a core belief, you've got some real problems in the making. This is particularly true if they are unfortunate enough for life's events to continue reinforce the idea that they have been put aside. This can happen with small events like having difficulty fitting in and making friends to huge events like divorce or the death of a parent.
People get quite judgmental - they say you're spoiling or molly-coddling. Stick to your instincts - you know the difference between attention seeking, paddy's and distress and it's very, very distinct. Pre-school teachers are fond of implying that the problem is really yours and you're too clingy (sometimes in my case - it could be true lol but not always, by any means). Sophia is learning to be independent from her parents in small, gentle, patient steps. I think she's better for it and so are we. And why not, if you are able.
I wouldn't recommend it. The sleep techniques where you wait for 4 minutes, go in - calm her down - go out - wait again - go in - calm her down - go out - wait again.......yea - what a crock! Doesn't work. It goes on and on and on and when she finally drops off to sleep - it's because she's exhausted. Night after night. It can take two weeks some say....way to go to really traumatise your child - let it sit in her mind that you won't be there for her when she needs you. I'll debate till the cows come home that that approach has any healthy effect with a sensitive child.
When it comes to being out of the home, in the care of another - I will also debate the so called 'necessity' of a toddler learning to be independent of their parents - especially when that toddler is the sensitive type. In the child's mind, when you walk away and leave them somewhere they don't feel comfortable with, they think you have abandoned them. It doesn't matter whether or not it's true - that's how they remember it and if they process that perception into a core belief, you've got some real problems in the making. This is particularly true if they are unfortunate enough for life's events to continue reinforce the idea that they have been put aside. This can happen with small events like having difficulty fitting in and making friends to huge events like divorce or the death of a parent.
People get quite judgmental - they say you're spoiling or molly-coddling. Stick to your instincts - you know the difference between attention seeking, paddy's and distress and it's very, very distinct. Pre-school teachers are fond of implying that the problem is really yours and you're too clingy (sometimes in my case - it could be true lol but not always, by any means). Sophia is learning to be independent from her parents in small, gentle, patient steps. I think she's better for it and so are we. And why not, if you are able.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Education.....a minefield or an adventure
Keeping in mind that our foray into education is somewhat limited still but...this is what we've found so far....
You'll get three types of teachers and it seems to be the same from early childhood on onwards......
The first one simply doesn't believe in gifted children. This type is of the firm belief that they are simply brighter and therefore able to cope pretty much on their own. Very damaging.... the best way to have your child so bored out of their brain...nobody will know they have any ability at all, after a while.
The second believes in them alright - in fact, they are intimidated by them. The most damaging type of all - not only will you have a very bored child, you'll probably have a measure of depression to deal with as well.
The third is the one you want......this one not only believes in them but recognizes that they have as many needs as special needs kids.
There's only one way to tell the difference. As I said earlier - just cut to the chase and ask them what their thoughts are on gifted children. If they look a little wild eyed and green about the gills...we run a mile - that person will not be a teacher that can cope or meet her needs, as far as we're concerned.
We found a wonderful lady, by taking this approach who will be Sophia's new entrants teacher when she starts school. She lit up and her answer was that Sophia was obviously exceptionally gifted and that she was going to need as much assistance from the teacher aids as the special needs kids and that there were special programs we should get her into that will meet her needs better. You can't get a better response than that - that's the one you want to hear.
The truth is, if you're lower income - you're not likely to be able to afford the fancy programs that are available for gifted kids. So you work with what you can. And what you can do....is match the teacher to her needs as best you can and meet the rest from home.
I'll keep you posted on any further developments on this issue!
I'll keep you posted on any further developments on this issue!
Extensions on the Aha moments....
A wee extension to the 'Aha' post from here... http://ourrainbowrose.blogspot.com/2011/05/aha-moments.html
Another thing that turned our heads a bit was when somebody told us the expected attention span of a toddler which wasn't very high in our opinion. That was because Sophia has been able to watch things or play on the computer for anywhere between half an hour to two hours since before she was three. These days its a lot further and we regularly have to get her to come away for a breather or some fresh air and something to eat.
Yesterday (age four and half) she spent sometime setting the lounge up as a stage with books standing in for lights. She told me she was the Goddess of dance and music and she was putting on a show. I've no idea where that all came from but it was pretty cool and she danced for some time!
Another thing that turned our heads a bit was when somebody told us the expected attention span of a toddler which wasn't very high in our opinion. That was because Sophia has been able to watch things or play on the computer for anywhere between half an hour to two hours since before she was three. These days its a lot further and we regularly have to get her to come away for a breather or some fresh air and something to eat.
Yesterday (age four and half) she spent sometime setting the lounge up as a stage with books standing in for lights. She told me she was the Goddess of dance and music and she was putting on a show. I've no idea where that all came from but it was pretty cool and she danced for some time!
Having fun and being proud....
Well that's most of the nitty gritty stuff jotted down finally. Now for the great stuff!
Every child has a talent in something. If you allow them plenty of opportunities to go searching for that talent, chances are - you will uncover it. With a gifted child - at least one of those talents springs up early and is easily spotted. That in itself is pretty damn cool! You get the little buzz that a parent gets watching their child on stage on a regular basis. And the majority of gifted kids seem to be a bit of a dichotomy, which helps to keep your feet on the ground. While Sophia's reading and comprehension are years ahead of her age group, she is still very very four and there's something delightful about that. This is a child that is trying to use words we're already having to look up and can tell you how many sides to an octagon but she still refused to use the toilet until she was nearly three - until I made it pretty and not so-scary. And we are still saying when she gets upset - Sophia use your words...you need to tell us what's wrong.
Her father is openly proud too - naturally. When people ask if she knows her ABCs yet, he takes great delight in blowing them out of their seats. It's neat to watch (although it used to make me squirm a little - showing off always makes me uncomfortable) and sometimes she would look at him and flatly refuse. At which point I would laugh and say, "Dadda - I am not a performing seal!". These days she looks at him and says...."You read it!" and walks off. We had this word game which came about because when she saw us typing on the computer, she would want to get up and type too - so we'd push the text up to really big and make it red and when we used it to try and figure out how many words she could actually read, it evolved into a game - almost a party trick really. Ed would open MSword on a persons computer and tell people to spell out a word - he'd type it in and Sophia would proceed to blow their socks off.
And then there's her sense of humor. Quirky and slightly warped with a distinct sense of mischief. She could barely form a sentence when we first started to notice it. She and I had quite the regular debates about how good bogeys were (or not!) - all conducted with this naughty little grin twisting across her face – that must have been at about 18 months. She came up with her first joke about a month ago. We were working on our computers when she leaned over and said, “I have a joke!” I had the impression that she'd seen somebody else tell it before. It was a knock, knock joke…… knock, knock, who's there? Boo! Boo who? Awww no need to cry Mamma! She got all the right lines in the right place and she knew it - which clearly made her very pleased! She has games on word usage and pronunciation with her father and some of them are timed by where we are. For example going past the hospital, he'll say look its the horspatal at which point she'll correct him. If he doesn't start the game at the right time - she'll prompt him. She doesn’t have a hope of getting too crazy about correct pronunciation either because her father deliberately jumbles and adjusts words like supermarket becoming stooperdarket. Once upon a time she used to get quite concerned but now she delights in the game and again, she will start it off herself.Proving things to her is sooo much easier too. If she’s got something not quite correct, you get her to read the label or the information. She will easily accept things if you can prove it. Once she asked me to make her hot cocoa (like curious George). When I got the cocoa out of the cupboard…at which point she got quite adamant that that was for hot chocolate. I said – it’s the same thing sweetie which she hotly contested. When she was shown the name on the box – end of discussion – all was good and we made hot cocoa.
Museums and galleries are great with a gifted child - even at an early age. Sophia likes bones, bugs and birds in particular. When we go - it's a whole morning. There's no 'popping in for a quick squiz' in these sorts of places...you go to spend real time, enjoy yourself and expand your own mind while you're encouraging her to expand hers.
And much to my delight, our lounge is frequently strewn with creative paraphenalia. Sparkles, seeds, glitter, bits of fabric, pretty stones, shells, foil bits and hand art. I delight in it because I was always being told off for it when I was a kid and I understand. Painting with various different implements, drawing, collaging and other creative projects are so important for any kid and Sophia seems to need it. It's good stuff for women who become too much of an adult and frequently forget to play!
More labels....
OCD. Sophia can get really, really anal about a number of things. I've mentioned the 'cracks' in her food earlier (cookies & ice creams etc). Cutting her food in front of her is ok now, providing you ask her first. The way her sandwiches were cut used to be an issue (I'll tell you how we got around that one a little later). Certain 'rituals' for her can't be adjusted without repercussion. For example, she and her father stop at the Fairfield dairy for a paddlepop ice-cream after he picks her up from kindy - everytime. When we are heading home from town, she expects us to stop at the 4-Square on Heads Rd. She will not understand why it can't be a different dairy and it will cause her some distress if they don't have what she likes to buy at that particular dairy. On the occasion we have been unable to stop - she has gotten very distressed. And there are many more examples......
Now you may be inclined to think....'spoilt little goblin' and sometimes that's probably true but really most of the time its not the case. Sophia does not understand why things have to be different and she gets very, very distressed about it. Not paddying - but distressed. Once upon a time she would react with absolute horror if you tore her sandwich in half (as you do when the sandwich is too big for a little one to handle). To her, it was completely ruined and she wasn't going to be able to eat it now. It had to be cut properly with a knife.
She is more adaptable now because while we allow her some rituals, we generally don't cater to the intensity of it. For example.....with her sandwiches, I will ask her if she wants triangles or rectangles and when she makes that decision - is it halves or quarters. Options are presented rather than just doing it the same way each time. when we arrive at the infamous Fairfield diary, she is reminded that she has a choice of three paddlepops. If we can't stop and we have to go straight home, we take the time to explain because unless you do, Sophia thinks you're just trying to mean to her and she does not forget it.
Now you may be inclined to think....'spoilt little goblin' and sometimes that's probably true but really most of the time its not the case. Sophia does not understand why things have to be different and she gets very, very distressed about it. Not paddying - but distressed. Once upon a time she would react with absolute horror if you tore her sandwich in half (as you do when the sandwich is too big for a little one to handle). To her, it was completely ruined and she wasn't going to be able to eat it now. It had to be cut properly with a knife.
She is more adaptable now because while we allow her some rituals, we generally don't cater to the intensity of it. For example.....with her sandwiches, I will ask her if she wants triangles or rectangles and when she makes that decision - is it halves or quarters. Options are presented rather than just doing it the same way each time. when we arrive at the infamous Fairfield diary, she is reminded that she has a choice of three paddlepops. If we can't stop and we have to go straight home, we take the time to explain because unless you do, Sophia thinks you're just trying to mean to her and she does not forget it.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
An odd reaction
In an earlier post, I mentioned being frightened of her abilities. This reaction was all my own and I definitely had to try and come to terms with it on the quiet. I have experienced doubt and ridicule while looking for advice on a number of occasions but I was intimidated by Sophia's abilities well before any of that happened. She was a tall poppy and in my family, tall poppies get cut off at the knees. I was almost ashamed because I knew that to stand out was to be a target. I was afraid of being accused of either being a loopy pushy mother or being proven wrong if put to the test, and made to look silly. All over-pleasing, socially-acceptable sillinesses.
And, to be fair to myself, I was very much afraid for her. Bright kids get bullied - I've experienced it myself since the day I started school (and so had her father). Bright kids get left to fend for themselves. Bright kids have to settle to make room for others because they've got an advantage etc etc etc. Bright kids often get the rough end of the stick in my experience. I wanted better for her. So I put these fears aside and I decided teach her to that she is fortunate to have these abilities and that all she needed to do was to the best that she was able to do.
And as for the ridicule....the professional types that do that soon can't help themselves and they've gotta test her. Then they understand. I don't need to push the issue. But that's kind of moot now because we've found its easier to just ask them what their thoughts are on gifted children. You find out what you need to know inside of a minute - they can't help themselves then either.
The logic of it all.....
When Sophia was about three it was fast becoming obvious that she wasn't the type to take everything you said as gospel. She and I had an interesting debate about knives around that very age. I had stated that all knives were sharp and that she shouldn't touch them because of that. At which point she picked up the butter knife that I had just made her sandwich with and demonstrated that this one, in particular, wasn't sharp at all. She pointed out the error in my statement...so I had to explain it further. As a result, she has been very wary of the types of knifes that cut and will even remind me to careful of them. For Sophia, this became a rule.
At one stage I did tell her that rules were there to keep us safe. To her - that's logical. Now...if its a rule....there's a good reason for it to be so. And if we want her to understand and accept the importance of something - we will tell her it's a rule and woe betide the poor soul to break it.
One example of how strongly she will adhere to a rule is her attitude to matches. She was playing with a little girl out on a camping trip when they came across a box of matches not so long ago. The other child jumped on them saying, 'ohhh! a box of matches' just like they normally do. Sophia fled, yelling 'NO NO NO' at the top of her lungs, bringing it to the attention of the adults pretty quickly.
It hasn't entirely been a boon - we did come a cropper with this a wee while back - not in an unmanageable way though. It definitely helped that we understood the way Sophia thinks about rules, ahead of time. She started ballet this year because she'd been watching it on TV and was keen to join in so she went to the littlelies class where they just learn to enjoy dance and stretch and get the hang of co-ordination and movement. In this class the teacher had said that the children were not to touch certain things (balls & props) until it was their turn to touch them - "that is the rule". Well Sophia took it on herself to be the one to point out to every child that broke that rule, how naughty they were. We handled this by teaching her about roles. For example, it was the teacher's job to worry about whether or not the other children were behaving and it was Sophia's job to have fun and play. So as time went on, she didn't get so upset by the rules being broken. We are very lucky that she can understand the finer details there.
Another area where Sophia's 'mode of logic' seems to come into things is with her social responses. Even now she seems to acknowledge that that's whats expected of her but it doesn't seem to make much sense to her. My husband thinks that this could be an indication of possible Aspergers and he could be right but Sophia is bright enough to work her way around it so we are not concerned. When somebody says, 'Good morning' we've often got to tell Sophia how to respond. For a child with an impressive memory, it's surprising. But if you tell her the correct response, she will humor you. Although whether or not this has everything to with her personal foibles is also questionable. She often doesn't seem aware that the person is addressing her - as if she's not mindful that greeting people is what everybody does when they see you. With this one, we're not going to know for sure where she's coming from until she's a bit older I think. We'll keep you posted.
At one stage I did tell her that rules were there to keep us safe. To her - that's logical. Now...if its a rule....there's a good reason for it to be so. And if we want her to understand and accept the importance of something - we will tell her it's a rule and woe betide the poor soul to break it.
One example of how strongly she will adhere to a rule is her attitude to matches. She was playing with a little girl out on a camping trip when they came across a box of matches not so long ago. The other child jumped on them saying, 'ohhh! a box of matches' just like they normally do. Sophia fled, yelling 'NO NO NO' at the top of her lungs, bringing it to the attention of the adults pretty quickly.
It hasn't entirely been a boon - we did come a cropper with this a wee while back - not in an unmanageable way though. It definitely helped that we understood the way Sophia thinks about rules, ahead of time. She started ballet this year because she'd been watching it on TV and was keen to join in so she went to the littlelies class where they just learn to enjoy dance and stretch and get the hang of co-ordination and movement. In this class the teacher had said that the children were not to touch certain things (balls & props) until it was their turn to touch them - "that is the rule". Well Sophia took it on herself to be the one to point out to every child that broke that rule, how naughty they were. We handled this by teaching her about roles. For example, it was the teacher's job to worry about whether or not the other children were behaving and it was Sophia's job to have fun and play. So as time went on, she didn't get so upset by the rules being broken. We are very lucky that she can understand the finer details there.
Another area where Sophia's 'mode of logic' seems to come into things is with her social responses. Even now she seems to acknowledge that that's whats expected of her but it doesn't seem to make much sense to her. My husband thinks that this could be an indication of possible Aspergers and he could be right but Sophia is bright enough to work her way around it so we are not concerned. When somebody says, 'Good morning' we've often got to tell Sophia how to respond. For a child with an impressive memory, it's surprising. But if you tell her the correct response, she will humor you. Although whether or not this has everything to with her personal foibles is also questionable. She often doesn't seem aware that the person is addressing her - as if she's not mindful that greeting people is what everybody does when they see you. With this one, we're not going to know for sure where she's coming from until she's a bit older I think. We'll keep you posted.
Freak out!
Basically it seems better described as heightened sensitivity which, in young children, means frequent overload. My mother initially thought it was just normal toddler paddying - that it is until she actually saw Sophia freak out one day. Sophia would react to somethings (and sometimes still does although not to the same degree) with total distress and it was almost as if she literally could not respond to you trying to soothe her. To touch her or try to talk to her further was to add to the over-stimulation, making it worse.
She would react badly to things like cutting her food up in front of her......in particular eggs. For some reason she just couldn't cope. You could cut up her food where she couldn't see it and give it to her but if you cut it up in front of her, she would start to 'wail' and go fetal on the floor. It was much more than crying but not quite screaming. And if you tried to pick her up and hold her - it would escalate into terror. Thrashing and screaming and trying to get away back into the fetal position.
We counteracted this with a patient re-education approach. I would stand there, without touching her and say, 'Get off the floor Sophia.' Every time it happened, I said the same thing, the same way. After about 3 weeks, she started to respond to it. The crying would lessen and she would start to get off the floor. That was the signal that it was okay to pick her up and comfort her. I must have looked liked the coldest bitch to some people - just standing there, not trying to pick her up and help her. But eventually, the time between me saying....'Get off the floor Sophia' and the time it took for her to respond, got shorter and shorter. And later on I could actually adjust it and say, ' I know you're upset but you need to get off the floor'.
She still gets upset with things like cracks in her food such as biscuits or ice creams (iced lollies) but each time, we've told her that we don't worry things like that.....and that it will still taste good. Now that she is able to express herself better, she will often say, 'it's all ruined' or 'everything's ruined,' which to her means no good any more - at all - ever. The response to that is, 'no its not - we'll see what we can do.' Working that way, we've encouraged her to rethink possibilities and it seems to be working well.
She was (and still is a bit) extremely sensitive to loud noise. Her reaction was to get extremely distressed and go fetal on the floor, then that lessened into clapping with her hands over her ears and trying to hide. Now its just standing there with her hands over her ears, while she tries to work out what the sound is. Most sounds that she knows, she will re-iterate with us what she thinks it is and we'll either verify or explain what the sound is and why she shouldn't be concerned.
Some people have suggested high-functioning autism and Aspergers and for a short while there, I was tempted to have her tested but there is a tendancy to label things early when perhaps it might be better to wait and see how things pan out. The medical profession have clear 'boxes' that they like to put people in which would be good except that very few people actually fit those boxes.
I was approached by a woman while we were camping who explained a very interesting idea to me. Sophia was very distressed at camping because we couldn't meet her 'morning ritual' requirements. She couldn't cope with such an abrupt set of changes and it wasn't surprising - most adults would probably have trouble too. This lady noticed that special kind of crying that Sophia was doing and she came over and offered to help. She told me about her daughter and a diagnosis that she was given when they were having similar issues. It wasn't so much of a diagnosis, she explained, more of an explanation - one that made a lot of sense to me.
Apparently 15 percent of the population are born this way and its not an illness or a syndrome of any kind - their brains are simply wired differently. They are the children that people often call oversensitive. Basically it's related to the two types of response to danger - fight or flight. The kids who are more brawny in attitude (the rugby types) that run around bruising the crap out of themselves and other people (without meaning to specifically)...are more inclined to be the stand and fight kind of people. The flight kind of people are literally more sensitive - they pick up on danger signals so that they have the time to flee danger. These kids tend to be a bit more intelligent. In kids like Sophia, the sensitivities often run alongside in strength with their gifted capabilities. Because we can literally train her out of her initial reactions, I don't believe its any form of autism.
Its simply the way she is and that's ok.
She would react badly to things like cutting her food up in front of her......in particular eggs. For some reason she just couldn't cope. You could cut up her food where she couldn't see it and give it to her but if you cut it up in front of her, she would start to 'wail' and go fetal on the floor. It was much more than crying but not quite screaming. And if you tried to pick her up and hold her - it would escalate into terror. Thrashing and screaming and trying to get away back into the fetal position.
We counteracted this with a patient re-education approach. I would stand there, without touching her and say, 'Get off the floor Sophia.' Every time it happened, I said the same thing, the same way. After about 3 weeks, she started to respond to it. The crying would lessen and she would start to get off the floor. That was the signal that it was okay to pick her up and comfort her. I must have looked liked the coldest bitch to some people - just standing there, not trying to pick her up and help her. But eventually, the time between me saying....'Get off the floor Sophia' and the time it took for her to respond, got shorter and shorter. And later on I could actually adjust it and say, ' I know you're upset but you need to get off the floor'.
She still gets upset with things like cracks in her food such as biscuits or ice creams (iced lollies) but each time, we've told her that we don't worry things like that.....and that it will still taste good. Now that she is able to express herself better, she will often say, 'it's all ruined' or 'everything's ruined,' which to her means no good any more - at all - ever. The response to that is, 'no its not - we'll see what we can do.' Working that way, we've encouraged her to rethink possibilities and it seems to be working well.
She was (and still is a bit) extremely sensitive to loud noise. Her reaction was to get extremely distressed and go fetal on the floor, then that lessened into clapping with her hands over her ears and trying to hide. Now its just standing there with her hands over her ears, while she tries to work out what the sound is. Most sounds that she knows, she will re-iterate with us what she thinks it is and we'll either verify or explain what the sound is and why she shouldn't be concerned.
Some people have suggested high-functioning autism and Aspergers and for a short while there, I was tempted to have her tested but there is a tendancy to label things early when perhaps it might be better to wait and see how things pan out. The medical profession have clear 'boxes' that they like to put people in which would be good except that very few people actually fit those boxes.
I was approached by a woman while we were camping who explained a very interesting idea to me. Sophia was very distressed at camping because we couldn't meet her 'morning ritual' requirements. She couldn't cope with such an abrupt set of changes and it wasn't surprising - most adults would probably have trouble too. This lady noticed that special kind of crying that Sophia was doing and she came over and offered to help. She told me about her daughter and a diagnosis that she was given when they were having similar issues. It wasn't so much of a diagnosis, she explained, more of an explanation - one that made a lot of sense to me.
Apparently 15 percent of the population are born this way and its not an illness or a syndrome of any kind - their brains are simply wired differently. They are the children that people often call oversensitive. Basically it's related to the two types of response to danger - fight or flight. The kids who are more brawny in attitude (the rugby types) that run around bruising the crap out of themselves and other people (without meaning to specifically)...are more inclined to be the stand and fight kind of people. The flight kind of people are literally more sensitive - they pick up on danger signals so that they have the time to flee danger. These kids tend to be a bit more intelligent. In kids like Sophia, the sensitivities often run alongside in strength with their gifted capabilities. Because we can literally train her out of her initial reactions, I don't believe its any form of autism.
Its simply the way she is and that's ok.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The 'Aha' moments.....
So when does any parent really start to wonder if their child might be gifted? There are little signs that make you wonder a bit. She knew her alphabet before she was two. We thought....'that's kinda cool' and somebody mentioned that that might be more than 'cool' and perhaps moving into the very bright arena. We thought she was fairly bright but that perhaps we were seeing more potential that was a bit more obvious because of extra encouragement. After all, Sophia had had more exposure to computers and educational TV than the average child.
There was another time, I remember pretty clearly, also when she was two. We're sitting in the lounge one day and Sophia marches up to me with a little stone pyramid that normally sat on a small bookshelf. She said, "Mamma! This is a pyramid - it has four sides!" I said, "That's nice dear, now take it out of your mouth." It was funny and cute but we just did the whole...isn't she a clever wee thing!
It really sorta dawned on us that perhaps it was a little more than 'fairly bright' when we were at the library one day when she was about two and half. In fact it more bowled us over a bit. I got hold of a book that I thought she might get a kick out of. It was different arrangements of food cut up to look like different objects like planes and people and see-saws etc. I put it down in front of her and she announced the title of the book - 'FOOD' - very clearly. I kind of looked at her and went, 'really? no way! she must have figured out what it was by the pictures on the front.' So we start going through this book and she's carrying on her little trick and that's when I noticed she was naming intangible things that she might not have gotten from the pictures.
I did a bit of a double take and then I thought, 'ok Missy Boo-boo - lets just have a look at what you can really do then.' I rummaged through till I found a fairly simple level one reader and I gave it to her. She read it cover to cover on the spot. I just about fell over backwards. I knew damn well that this was very different to what I was familiar with and I knew that I had never known anybody who could read at two and a half.
I went home and told her father.
Then we went and asked a few people what they would do, how they would handle it and just how far outside of the box is this? One thing in particular that was mentioned to us was the issue of comprehension. One teacher said that she had come across children learning to read early (although none so young as Sophia) but most of them could read the words but didn't understand them. Not only did Sophia understand them but by the time she was three and half, she was using conceptual words in the correct context. I do remember having a wee debate about the usage of one word (unfortunately I can't remember which one) that could be applied the way she was using it, if you took the literal meaning of the word, but it wasn't quite the way that word was used - the context wasn't correct. It was quite funny trying to explain to her the why's and in the end I just said that the English language was a bit silly sometimes because most of its words were borrowed from other languages.
The thing is her age never really impacted on us until that moment when we actually took stock of how old she was. This is because it is very easy to forget how old they are. It's only now that I'm writing it all down and taking note of things happening at certain ages that I'm sitting here thinking.... holy crap - well duh! lol
There was another time, I remember pretty clearly, also when she was two. We're sitting in the lounge one day and Sophia marches up to me with a little stone pyramid that normally sat on a small bookshelf. She said, "Mamma! This is a pyramid - it has four sides!" I said, "That's nice dear, now take it out of your mouth." It was funny and cute but we just did the whole...isn't she a clever wee thing!
It really sorta dawned on us that perhaps it was a little more than 'fairly bright' when we were at the library one day when she was about two and half. In fact it more bowled us over a bit. I got hold of a book that I thought she might get a kick out of. It was different arrangements of food cut up to look like different objects like planes and people and see-saws etc. I put it down in front of her and she announced the title of the book - 'FOOD' - very clearly. I kind of looked at her and went, 'really? no way! she must have figured out what it was by the pictures on the front.' So we start going through this book and she's carrying on her little trick and that's when I noticed she was naming intangible things that she might not have gotten from the pictures.
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| The first book at 2 and a half |
I went home and told her father.
Then we went and asked a few people what they would do, how they would handle it and just how far outside of the box is this? One thing in particular that was mentioned to us was the issue of comprehension. One teacher said that she had come across children learning to read early (although none so young as Sophia) but most of them could read the words but didn't understand them. Not only did Sophia understand them but by the time she was three and half, she was using conceptual words in the correct context. I do remember having a wee debate about the usage of one word (unfortunately I can't remember which one) that could be applied the way she was using it, if you took the literal meaning of the word, but it wasn't quite the way that word was used - the context wasn't correct. It was quite funny trying to explain to her the why's and in the end I just said that the English language was a bit silly sometimes because most of its words were borrowed from other languages.
The thing is her age never really impacted on us until that moment when we actually took stock of how old she was. This is because it is very easy to forget how old they are. It's only now that I'm writing it all down and taking note of things happening at certain ages that I'm sitting here thinking.... holy crap - well duh! lol
Mind nutrition....
Sophia's room has always been bright and busy from the start. Not deliberately - thats just the way it kinda panned out.....I thought one thing might be nice and then something else might work well with it and so on. Many people said that her room was too bright from the start and there's no way she'd sleep and you would think that they might have been right but she slept in our room with us till she was nearly 9 months old and wouldn't sleep there either so who knows! The reason why I'm putting this in is because of a study that I had read about years and years and years ago that left me wondering....This scientist decided he was going to try and acertain exactly what newborns and babies looked at. He discovered that they look directly at edges like the outline of their mothers face or the bars of their cot. And not only that, he discovered that when they look at edges, their brains are stimulated. Hmmmm.......something to think about perhaps?
And of course, there's books. Books, books and more books. We have read to Sophia everyday of her life because she has always enjoyed it. The first books we showed her tended to be basic color, number and picture books.We had our first indicators that she was absorbing more than we thought when we were at a playgroup that we would frequent once a week. They had something on the TV to do with colors and shapes and things - the normal child development kind of programs you get. Sophia runs up to the TV and slaps her hand on a shape that was blue and shouts, "BLUE!" She must have been about 16 months old. Somebody said...."that's impressive," and I thought - "It is?". A couple of months later, she was shouting out the letter's of the Alphabet in a school my husband worked at.
The importance of nutrition
I know that some women are unable to breastfeed and I'm sure there are plenty of gifted children out there whose mothers couldn't but I have to say that if you can....definitely do.
I have a friend whose nutritional philosophies match my own and her wee daughter is showing very very similar hallmarks.
If you are able to breastfeed - please please watch what you eat. Cut out as many artificial colours, artificial sweeteners, preservatives and msg as you can. And stay the hell away from coke and pepsi.
The reason why I advocate breastfeeding is mainly because of fat, believe it or not. I fed Sophia for as often as she wanted and as long as she wanted. She was fed totally on demand. And because I was always having trouble getting her to sleep, I would feed her till she went to sleep on the boob. This meant that she was always getting the precious high-quality 'hind milk'.
For those that don't know....in human breastfeeding there are two levels of feeding.....the first is quantity to satisfy hunger quickly but the second is rich-high-fat 'hind' milk. That's the stuff that builds synapses or connections in the brain. And once the connections are there, the fat coats them and protects them. Or at least that how it was explained to me.
When they start on solids....(which for Sophia was at 5 and a half months) keep up with the high quality fats....like butter and avocado. Sophia's first foods were also Kumera and pureed fruit.
To make sure she had all she needed while making the transition to solid food, we followed traditional Maori philosophies concerning the length of time to wean. The child stops when they are ready, if the nutritional needs are being met. If she didn't ask for it, I didn't offer after the age of 18 months. Sophia stopped asking for milk just after her second birthday.
I have a friend whose nutritional philosophies match my own and her wee daughter is showing very very similar hallmarks.
If you are able to breastfeed - please please watch what you eat. Cut out as many artificial colours, artificial sweeteners, preservatives and msg as you can. And stay the hell away from coke and pepsi.
The reason why I advocate breastfeeding is mainly because of fat, believe it or not. I fed Sophia for as often as she wanted and as long as she wanted. She was fed totally on demand. And because I was always having trouble getting her to sleep, I would feed her till she went to sleep on the boob. This meant that she was always getting the precious high-quality 'hind milk'.
For those that don't know....in human breastfeeding there are two levels of feeding.....the first is quantity to satisfy hunger quickly but the second is rich-high-fat 'hind' milk. That's the stuff that builds synapses or connections in the brain. And once the connections are there, the fat coats them and protects them. Or at least that how it was explained to me.
When they start on solids....(which for Sophia was at 5 and a half months) keep up with the high quality fats....like butter and avocado. Sophia's first foods were also Kumera and pureed fruit.
To make sure she had all she needed while making the transition to solid food, we followed traditional Maori philosophies concerning the length of time to wean. The child stops when they are ready, if the nutritional needs are being met. If she didn't ask for it, I didn't offer after the age of 18 months. Sophia stopped asking for milk just after her second birthday.
Computers and babies....?
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| 4 months old |
So every time she wanted to get to be up there with her father, he would start up a program called Sunshine Alphabet. This was one of the ways that taught her the alphabet. My husband has always said, 'dumb programs make dumb minds' so where we could, any exposure Sophia had to TV or computers was either educational or taught a good sense of ethics and behaviour. We use our computers everyday - for play and work and as a result Sophia was computer literate by the time she was three.
Current studies on the impact of computers and toddlers suggest that it's a bad bad thing because it limits their creativity. We have to disagree with that one. At four Sophia's mind is exploring all it can while making artwork and art projects just as creatively as the next child. Sometimes both at the same time. She does come up with some pretty odd names for her work though, I have to say - 'a cow called hydrolapidy' for example! I think it matters hugely what sort of programs you allow your children to play with. Interactive programs that encourage them to think and problem solve are invaluable. And giving them the opportunity to play in a creative manner makes a difference too. We get creative at home with creative play ALOT. Sophia has also had a couple of days at a playcentre or kindergarten from the age of three specifically so she could take advantage of the creative programs for toddlers and opportunities for social interaction.
Friday, May 6, 2011
On onwards.... to babyhood.
Our daughter is four now and she's just amazing. It's taken me this long to get down to writing a blog about our experiences. I've kinda held off because one of the things a parent of a gifted child often experiences is ridicule. Every time they try and find out if something is 'normal' or what they can do to encourage something - somebodies got to get their boot in because clearly - they're one of those 'loopy' parents that believe their child is special above all others. The fact is, you tend to know when your child is doing things that are a little odd for their age and that sends you out for answers. With a gifted child, you're out looking for answers all the time. And what makes it particularly difficult is that 'professionals' are often the worst to scoff.
There's a lot that I don't remember, I afraid. Key things that could be helpful but - keep an eye on things - and I'll slap them in when I remember them. I can't remember a lot about the early early days. They were pretty much a blur of new parenthood and sleeplessness. I can tell you that she often didn't sleep. Awake every half hour some nights. She didn't nap as a wee toddler either. And even now.....getting her to sleep is.....interesting. She often slept with me - even from the time we were in the hospital. Although its often frowned upon and people are slamming the practice heavily now - the nurses seem to understand that if she and I were going to have a chance at bonding, we had to sleep together.
She held her own head up, pretty much from the start. I think that could be because she didn't have to try and negotiate 'normal' birth. And she hated anybody touching her head - or her hands. I remember thinking how odd that was. When people touched her hands (as people often do with newborns) she managed to make it very clear that that was not allowed.
She was noticeably strong-willed fairly early on. In this photo, her father was looking after her for an hour or so (while I took a break in the garden). He had her in the bouncer with a play-frame and she was getting quite shirty at him moving the toys. Each time she fell asleep, he would try to move them away from her and she would reach up to grab it and stop him taking them. She'd go back to sleep again, he'd try to move them again....she'd have to stop him - all the while barely opening her eyes.
Most of her baby milestones were fairly much on time I think. Some even seemed a little late. She was crawling at 7 months, walking at 13 months, first word at 14 months. Clearly she understood things alot earlier but with talking in particular, we had the impression that she didn't see the point of it. Her first word was UP and her first real sentence came four months later. She'd been playing with my bedside cupboard and announced, "It's a door."
From then on she just motored through things including the alphabet. Its almost as if she just decided from 14 months on, now was the time to get cracking. 'Ok, we're done with this baby thing now!'
There's a lot that I don't remember, I afraid. Key things that could be helpful but - keep an eye on things - and I'll slap them in when I remember them. I can't remember a lot about the early early days. They were pretty much a blur of new parenthood and sleeplessness. I can tell you that she often didn't sleep. Awake every half hour some nights. She didn't nap as a wee toddler either. And even now.....getting her to sleep is.....interesting. She often slept with me - even from the time we were in the hospital. Although its often frowned upon and people are slamming the practice heavily now - the nurses seem to understand that if she and I were going to have a chance at bonding, we had to sleep together.
She held her own head up, pretty much from the start. I think that could be because she didn't have to try and negotiate 'normal' birth. And she hated anybody touching her head - or her hands. I remember thinking how odd that was. When people touched her hands (as people often do with newborns) she managed to make it very clear that that was not allowed.
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| 3 months old |
Most of her baby milestones were fairly much on time I think. Some even seemed a little late. She was crawling at 7 months, walking at 13 months, first word at 14 months. Clearly she understood things alot earlier but with talking in particular, we had the impression that she didn't see the point of it. Her first word was UP and her first real sentence came four months later. She'd been playing with my bedside cupboard and announced, "It's a door."
From then on she just motored through things including the alphabet. Its almost as if she just decided from 14 months on, now was the time to get cracking. 'Ok, we're done with this baby thing now!'
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Beginnings
Sophia was born in a storm in more ways than one.Her parents were first time parents and were thoroughly bewildered by the medical mayhem surrounding modern birth. I was 39, very overweight, and very, very anxious and her father was 32 and simply coped as best he could by steadfastly putting one foot in front of the other and looking nowhere else.
Labour started fairly normally, except for the 40 minutes journey into the hospital because we lived rurally. Oh and the fact that she was posterior so I couldn't lay down or sit down. After 10hrs, my labour started going away so I was transferred to another hospital - another 45 minutes away. The ambulance was so crappy, they had to bash the docking clamps of the stretcher on and off with a tire iron. They wouldn't let Ed bring my stuff in the ambulance either so he had to travel behind it, worrying how I was all the way. After a total of 24 hrs in labour and no progress, it was decided that the only way she was going to be born was by c-section.
Amidst the flurry of an emergency C-section, the rain poured down, thunder roared and the lightening flashed outside.
And then after 25hrs, she was finally here...in the world with us. We had waited a long time and it was surreal. But we weren't through the birth experience yet. Almost as soon as I was out of surgery, nearly two hours later, I was clearly in trouble. They couldn't get enough oxygen into my blood so I was on oxygen for a time. Then I went down with childbed fever. For three and half days my temperature peaked and fell, peaked and fell, hitting almost 102 on the highs. And every time it peaked, the 'rigors' would start.
My poor little girl cried and cried but I often couldn't hear her. I think the drugs and the fever changed my smell because I do remember at one stage, every time they brought her near me, she screamed. And my poor husband walked up and down the corridors with her, trying to soothe her. There was nothing to soothe him - they wouldn't even give him a pillow to sleep on. They were feeding her with my milk - even though it was laced with the metrodiazinole that saved my life and I often wonder what it was doing to her little brain. It certainly screwed with mine. I couldn't tell time at all. If someone asked me if I'd had anything to eat - I couldn't tell whether it had been five hours or five minutes. Did you know that you have a little 'timer' in your brain that gives you an indication of how much time has passed? It works even while your asleep - how remarkable. I had so many drips in both hands - I still have scars. When I came out of the fever, I couldn't believe that I had been in the hospital for five days. One day more and the 'miracle of birth' was finally over and we all went home.
I'm sad that the most important event, to happen to her father and I, had such an awful start but in the end - we all came through it. We all survived - mostly intact. And the blessings thereafter have been truly extraordinary.
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